I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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