I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
