I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
