We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
