I molested 6 butterflies tonight
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
