Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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