Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
