Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
