there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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