Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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