You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
