in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
this beer tastes like vomit already
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
