Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
