Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
