Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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