dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
