Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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