There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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