someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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