if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
