How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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