I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
