I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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