I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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