My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
