I'm gonna have a badass scar
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I am one with the molecules
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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