2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
