I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
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How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
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I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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