I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
