I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
