Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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