so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
