is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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