I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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