drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
