dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
