I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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