I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
barbara walters just said penis...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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