I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
