I love black thongs
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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