Im at strip club and am horny
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
sex in a hospital.. check
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
