it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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