my mouth tastes like poor choices
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
vagina is talking i cant
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
