Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dear god my vagina.
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