He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
