So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
