Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
