When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
it's great music for shaving your balls
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
