I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
