idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
