hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
