he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
