i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
