I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
it's great music for shaving your balls
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
