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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
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