tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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