I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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