I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm always down for nudity.
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