HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
