I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
