She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
