He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I've blown a few things in my day
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
