she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
