we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
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We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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