This girl is more easily done than said...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
